
“I’m a vampire,” said James Sugré, the protagonist of Michael J. Seidlinger’s latest book Brokeula. “And like all vampires, I have forever and a day to spare.”
But living forever wasn’t cheap. Sugré didn’t have a stash of gold coins buried somewhere in the Carpathian Mountains to help pay for all of his bills. Without generational wealth, he couldn’t afford to be immortal. “I’m hungry,” he howled, “hungry for some fucking money!”
Instead of riding the highway in a sporty vintage Porsche or stalking trendy Manhattan jazz clubs looking for his next meal, Sugré lay motionless in a coffin all day and night with nothing to do. To pass the time, he would admire his coffin’s luxurious interior.
That all changed the day he brought a blue-haired emo girl named Lauren back to his dingy apartment. She promised to give him all the money in her bank account if he turned her into a vampire. “Change my life and I’ll change yours,” she told him.
Looking at the opportunity like a businessman, Sugré had to make a decision and run the numbers. That’s what an employer would do, he reasoned—examine investments for potential profit. “The entire time I was taking in her warm blood,” he said later, “I was thinking about her life savings. I was thinking about the size of the transfer.”
Together, Sugré and Lauren started a multi-level marketing business. But instead of selling vitamins and supplements like Herbalife, their company sold eternal life. They both knew the idea was pure gold. Entire industries existed to combat the effects of aging. People had always wanted to live forever.
And guess what? Their scheme quickly turned into a multi-billion dollar business. “There’s an entire world out there full of humans who would willingly pay me every penny to their name to be turned into a vampire,” said Sugré. “And like any good business, my customers become lifetime members.”
Unfortunately for Sugré and Lauren, the success of Bloodsucker LLC was short-lived. The company was quickly dismantled by a consortium of vampire overlords. These ancient progenitors didn’t appreciate being exploited for capitalistic gain.
The downfall of Bloodsucker LLC highlights the novel’s two central themes: capitalism’s tendency to commercialize everything, and the tendency of MLM companies to amplify everything to absurd levels.
Brokeula is a satire of these ridiculous impulses. Author Seidlinger makes readers (especially U.S. readers) look at capitalism through a funhouse mirror. If everything is a commodity, he seems to be saying, then nothing is a commodity.
[ Brokeula / By Michael J. Seidlinger / First Printing: July 2026 / ISBN: 9781968043094 ]








