Hey, did you hear what college student Callie Callaway did during her summer vacation? The crazy girl went to Florida and jumped into the jaws of a giant mutant shark. I know what you’re thinking—madder than a wet hen, she is!

But why would she do such a thing? That’s the question hanging over Sewer Sharks, the latest creature feature from author Christopher Robertson.

Studying marine biology at school, Callie was an unabashed shark nerd. She signed up to be a summer intern with Florida’s Aquatic Conservation Project to help research one of the rarest species of sharks on earth—the Mustelus Vidua, a.k.a. the Widow Shark. 

Because it was a Florida coastal town, there was a 24/7 drug and party scene awaiting Callie in Skidd’s Bay. But there was also a whirlwind of ongoing and untold events waiting for her too. Almost immediately, she came face to face with serial criminals, deranged swamp cultists, horny swingers and bloodthirsty rogue sharks. 

It was the sharks that caused the most grief. Because of mad science (and parasites in their pituitary glands), the Widow Sharks could grow large or small depending on the stimulus. Once they found their way into the city’s septic system, nobody in Skidd’s Bay who used a toilet was safe. 

They would explode out of toilet bowls like a torpedo to dismember and eviscerate their victims in the most humiliating way possible. The initial attack in Sewer Sharks was especially gruesome. Sensitive readers might want to skip the novel’s first chapter altogether. 

Throughout the book, the author provides inspired descriptions of every single attack. And he does so with a flurry of creative similes such as: “A shark exploded out of some guy’s ass like a cereal prize inside a water balloon filled with shit,” and “The shark flipped over with the heel of a red shoe jutting from its head like a Jimmy Choo brand narwhal.” 

Robertson’s novel also contained a substantial subplot involving a creepy swamp cult dedicated to Gator Jesus. Said one parishioner: “It’s a well-known fact that the Lord’s Second Coming will be in the form of an animal, and he hath chosen the divine form of a blessed alligator.” And if you’re curious, yes, there was a big battle brewing between the Widow Sharks and Gator Jesus—a classic clash of titans featuring Selachimorpha and Alligator Mississippiensis!

The book’s climax occurs when a 100-foot-tall shark rises from a nearby waterpark. It’s at this moment when our hero decides to jump into the giant mutant’s maw. Was it a stupid thing for Callie to do? Yup. But it was the only way to stop this insane Mary Shelley and Peter Benchley-like nightmare. 

[ Sewer Sharks / By Christopher Robertson / First Printing: May 2024 / ISBN: 9798323498376 ]