When the vagina squids from Mars arrived on Earth, they found a home on the shore of a small northeastern beach in England. While acclimating to our ecosystem, they would rise from the sand like flowers reaching toward the sun—preying upon birds, crabs and seal pups. 

Their first human victim was a popular indie horror writer who was in town for a local comic book convention. One night after the con, he took a naive female fan out to the beach for some rape-y fun. Thus triggered, the squid-like creatures couldn’t control their appetite. They crushed the author’s testicles and pinched the bottom two inches of his cock. The aliens probed his anus for a moment before pushing forward, thrusting themselves deeper within his bowels. The young fangirl escaped the attack, but no one ever heard from the author again. Good riddance. 

The hungry squids were horrible Medusa-like monsters with wet and fleshy serpentine bodies. Their mouths were circular but misshapen orifices that contained rows and rows of razor-sharp gnashers. Early in the novel, a victim described one particular creature as an “anus with teeth.”

Readers might wonder: how did these creepy monsters get tagged with the name “vagina squids”? They could easily have been called butt munchers, urethra invaders or testi grinders.

The nickname was actually coined by a local stoner and conspiracy nut named Freddy “Roswell” Grady. He took one look at the squids and the word “vagina” immediately spilled out of his mouth. I don’t know why, maybe he had a bad experience with vagina dentate in the past. Who knows?

No matter what the invasive aliens were called, one thing was certain—they unfailingly attacked the most intimate parts of the human body. For example, a football player had a tentacle explore his urethra. At some point, his cock ruptured and split wide open like an overcooked sausage. A woman had her silicon implants ripped from her chest. And a pregnant lady watched as her unborn baby was snatched from her womb. 

In the most disturbing scene in the book, a woman was violently dragged below the sand. Here’s how co-authors Kelvin V.A. Allison and Renn White described the attack: “The woman screeched as one of the squids pushed between her thighs, thick tentacles probing at her exposed labia, barbs tearing into her folds of flesh, pushing hard to get inside. She lost control of her bladder in fear, the hot urine coating the creature. In a frenzy, the monster dug at her opening, forcing its tentacles deeper inside and ripping her vulnerable cervix to bloody shreds.”

But that wasn’t the worst of it. The authors continued unabated with their tentacle rape narrative: “The woman grunted in horror as her body suddenly jerked in unwanted ecstasy. The harder she writhed in denial, the faster the creature thrust with its thick tentacles, over and over until she came in a brutal climax of agony.”

[ Vagina Squids From Mars / By Kelvin V.A. Allison & Renn White / First Printing: April 2024 / ISBN: 9798322487630 ]