What do the grapes of wrath taste like? What exactly does the sound and the fury signify? Why is the lightness of being so unbearable? And does water have a particular shape??

Sheesh! Why do writers and filmmakers continually  pick flowery (and vague) titles for their creative projects? Instead, let’s celebrate simple declarative titles like Cowboys vs. Dinosaurs, Killer Klowns from Outer Space, Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers and Earth vs. the Flying Saucers. With titles like these, you know exactly what to expect. 

You can add the latest novel from Melissa Lason and Michelle Garza (collectively known as the Sisters of Slaughter) to the list. There’s no poetry in the book’s title, but readers know exactly what they’re getting with Janitors vs. the Living Dead.

It all starts when Serenity Canyon—an exclusive resort-like community in Sedona, Arizona—becomes ground zero for the zombie apocalypse. Since none of the posh residents have any survival skills whatsoever, it falls to the maintenance staff to battle the neighborhood scourge. 

But first, here’s a little backstory: The 35,000-year-old zombie parasitoid is discovered by accident during a scientific excavation in Siberia. When it’s brought back to the U.S., the government hopes that it might be an effective weapon of war (and profit). Instead, all it does is kill and reanimate the dead. 

The Serenity Canyon zombie outbreak is an unmitigated disaster. Everyone instinctively knows that if it spreads beyond the gated community it will surge like wildfire in a summer wind. It could even signal the end of mankind. 

Thank goodness the collected members of Serenity Canyon Maintenance are on the case. Disparagingly known as the Scum Crew (Scüm Crüe?) by their snooty employers, the team arms itself with all sorts of things to neutralize the undead army—a couple of mop handles, two screwdrivers, a razorblade gum scraper, a fire extinguisher, a leaf blower and a ride-on lawn mower. They probably have access to a variety of desiccants and sorbents as well.  

The zombies (called “walking shitbags” by the authors) don’t move very fast, but their stamina is unending—like an unstoppable apocalypse in slow motion. The soundtrack to their attack is a chorus of flatulence and belching followed by a glissando of vomit. 

The reason why these zombies are called shitbags is because their bodies are “frankensteined” together with human waste from an old derelict outhouse. This origin story allows the authors to gross out readers with neverending descriptions of shit, piss, snot and vomitus eruptus. Their enthusiasm for bodily excretions is truly impressive. 

[ Janitors vs. the Living Dead / By Melissa Lason & Michelle Garza / First Printing: April 2025 / ISBN: 9781639511891 ]